Why this blog?

OK, so now I'm a blogger, one of millions out there. Why am I bothering? First, because I find writing very cathartic, and I have a lot of issues in my life which I feel the need to be cathartic about (aftermath of divorce, handling expatriation and homesickness, coping with loneliness and depression, trying to handle the sheer exhaustion of being a part-time single parent with a full-time job, being on the dating scene in my mid-40s after years away from it).

Why am I doing it in public, and not a private diary? Just because there might be some people out there in similar situations who stumble upon this blog and find some things in common that we can exchange ideas about. I don't suppose there will be many such people, maybe none at all, but who knows, there may be some. If nobody ever discovers it, then it's no different from a paper diary anyway.

Why am I doing it anonymously? Because I don't see any point in doing a blog if there are taboos or no-go areas.It has to be no-holds-barred, warts and all, including embarassing stuff (for example, I have resorted to using escorts from time to time, and I'll talk about that). I have a responsible job in a big company (I'm not famous or anything), and I don't want any colleague or friend who stumbles on this to recognise me. There are things you can't say to your friends, because you don't want to burden them, but you can say them to strangers instead (paradoxical but true - you can pay a shrink to listen but blog readers are cheaper ;-)

OK, here are the basics about me (reeally basic to avoid recognition). I'm British but I don't live in the UK. I'm divorced, from somebody who is not British, and there are two kids who have dual nationality and are bilingual. The kids are shared with my ex (I have the usual "alternate weekends and half of school holidays" arrangement). I have a good job, but it involves long hours, and exhaustion is a big issue when I'm alone with my kids at the weekend (I don't feel I do them justice). I earn much more than my ex, and I have to pay her humungous maintenance payments, even though it was a no-fault divorce (I'm kind of bitter about this, and trying to change it through the courts, though of course only the lawyers really win).

Since my separation from my ex, two years ago, I've been on the divorcee dating scene (I call it the "secondary market", based on stock market jargon), and it's been exhausting and frustrating, and so far fruitless. Loneliness is a real issue. I'll blog about that too.

Exhaustion, stress, loneliness, frustration, depression: I'll try not to make it too bleak, and introduce some humour here and there. But it is basically a tough life, and I am mainly trying to reach out to others in the same boat.

I have to give myself a name, so I'll call myself Oscar (I'm a big fan of Oscar Wilde, so why not!)

My next blog will be about why marriages fail, and the pros and cons of separation and divorce (something thoughtful, not just cathartic slagging-off of my ex!).

Oscar